You leave me Speechless

I have a confession to make

But I hope You can read tears and hear silence

Cuz this won’t be easy…

Remember the time You formed me in my mother’s womb

And You looked on me with Love

Writing my story out in Your many manuscripts,

With blood as the ink and the cross as the paper…

Well, I spoiled the plot.

I refused to be the spotless angelic princess You envisioned

And fell out of rhythm with Your heart

When I caused me to be miscarried

Miscarrying the task set before me…

To exist, to be…

In and only in You

I, not believing that I was worth You,

Found that all of who You are was just too much for me…

And in finding that out, I wanted to discover if You were enough for me

So I traded Your unfathomable Love for a quick taste of a cheap lie

And guess where it landed me…

Here

I have a confession to make

But I hope You can stand the stench that I reek of

And the odor that inhabits my life

Remember the time I left You waiting at the Altar

Even though You had paid the Price – for me to wear a white dress

And for US to have Our wedding underneath the grandeur of the stars that You

Effortlessly arranged in the sky…

They spelt out my name, and even now still do, and yet

I rejected You

Remember when I left You at the Altar?

Well, I soiled that dress… by jumping around in the mud with Satan

Remaining married to his grime when You had promised me the clouds

I spoiled the plot, again…

I refused to be Your masterpiece

Refused to understand how You could see beauty in what didn’t seem beautiful

I refused to wear white even though You promised me white as snow was possible

Refused to meet You, and to allow the Master to officiate Our union

I cast You aside, in disbelief

And shame

And guess where it landed me…

Here

I have a confession to make

But I hope You can read pain and hear distress

Cuz this won’t be easy…

There was a war going on within me

My soul was so out of rhythm with Your Spirit and I was losing it

Losing the plot, losing sight of You…

I, eyes wide shut, entered a dark place

I was groping around in darkness, grabbing at what I thought was You

But see I didn’t understand that darkness could not exist in and with You

So when I clung to what I thought was You, with eyes wide shut in pitch darkness

I didn’t know I was clinging to Satan, who refused to hand over the freedom I thought I had gained

I clung on to what I thought was You, fooled by his charming voice and irresistible charm

And then I opened my eyes

And all I was left with was his bastard child, with horns for ears and pitch-forks for hands

It was screaming and wailing disgustingly, torturing my soul with its eerie eyes

I, was left behind with this Sinfully Transmitted Disease

With my perfect white dress soiled with the sickening lifeblood of a fiend I knew I could never love

I had transgressed You and look where it left me…

Forgive me Father,

I am so inclined to linger and lag behind;

My will is weak but even so my desire is strong and I want to grow

Grow

Grow out of this dead world and into You

I want to be synchronized with You

Your Spirit and my soul moving as one

I am tired of letting the past and useless details choke up Your existence

Tired of back pedaling against my call like Moses,

Or living with Joshua where the grass is always greener in someone else’s yard

That yard is dangerous

Cuz if it’s not Yours it sure belongs to that scum that left me filthy and shamed

Tired of being a slave, knowing full well that Christ set me free yet still wanting to be chained

I am tired of settling for love that won’t last,

Living life married to the mud when I was promised the clouds

I couldn’t tell You were in Love with me because this world was confusing me

And look where it left me…

You who forms the mountains,

Who creates the wind,

And who reveals His thoughts to mankind;

You who turns dawn to darkness

And treads on the heights of the earth –

The Lord God is Your name…

You who searches hearts and minds

You saved my life from death…

You were whipped so that the veil could be ripped

And I, Your bride, could look on You with Love

As You read Your vows to me

Underneath the grandeur of the stars…

You, saying You do and will Love me and follow me even to the depths of my sin

You, made a promise and delivered

Yet I was so blinded by this world

I missed it all

When I was meant to witness it all

You found me hiding behind all my disguises

You saw everything that I am, and still came for me and died

You wiped my slate clean, sat down with me and showed me Your masterpiece

Me, the Master’s piece, envisioned before time began

You gave me the Master’s Peace

You showed me Your love

Your love commanding life and deserving devotion

You became the reason for all my commotion

To whom can I compare You?

No means of measure can define Your limitless Love

You, found me curled up in fear

Fearing men, which meant I wasn’t truly free

And You came and told me Truth

And indeed You set me free

I have a confession to make

You are everything, everything I have ever wanted…

All in One

My life I intend to give to You…

In appreciation I do it willingly

In obedience I do it faithfully

In affection I do it lovingly

I live for this and this I am prepared to give my life for,

Your unselfish Love

Your pure and righteous Love

I have a confession to make

But I hope You can read tears and hear silence

Cuz You leave me speechless…