Normal day let me be aware of the treasure you are.
Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
~ Mary Jean Irion ~
AH! It’s that time of the year again…when the stress levels grow exponentially and the need and sense for “me” time is the only thing filling my mind… But this year, well, is kind of different. There are so many lessons life would like to teach us…whether we’re willing to learn or not. Life doesn’t pretty much care who you are or what you’ve done… and that’s the fun (and sometimes sad) part about it…
Well… I know this time of year and the pressures it can bring with it. I have been there… In years past, I moaned, and groaned, and cried about the usual casualties of time… relationships, friendships, fun, vivaciousness and life itself… but then I realized… “It’s not life that stopped… I just stopped living life”…and I vowed to turn it all around and never again let it happen…
Fast forward to today, and I just caught myself reading THE most depressing (but funny enough TRUE) article. And what stood out to me in this depressingly true article were the words “TICK TOCK CHIP CHIP”… because that is exactly what happens… the ticking clock of our lives chips away at the things that [we think] matter most in our lives, and later we realize… “Oh… there’s been another casualty”…
Well… yes… there’s been a casualty… there was one last year… one the other year and many more over the years past… and to be honest, I have realized that once I have identified the next casualty, something within me lets go… and creates room for new experiences, new lessons… new everything…
The art of letting go… that’s what I have deemed it. Reaching that point where you realize “hmmm… I’m getting too old to blame it on life, time and whatever else is there to blame it on”… am I growing up? Maybe or maybe not…
The reason I stopped blogging was not time… it was me… uninspired and brain dead…
The reason I stopped calling was not busy-ness…there was no urge…no force pushing me to do it
The reason I stopped singing is not school… it was me… making a decision to stop living
The reason I didn’t get that awesome “R500” deal for a professional photo-shoot was not the fact that “they “ wouldn’t do it with me… it was me… too afraid to live and let live…
The reason I didn’t do it… was because I was too busy trying to convince myself that the imaginary monster I’d formed in my head was not towering over me as I cowered into a little corner…drenched in fear and petrified to my wits end…
These are the lessons life is teaching me…and learning them is painful… yet somehow, I am beginning to comprehend these lessons… even though they hurt…
Life has taught me…
Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away. (Ben Hecht)
P.S I like the circus!!!!!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
...u remind me
This... this is for the man whose heart, when i met him, reminded me of someone i knew... in him, embedded, was an image of this person that i knew so very well but... but... i couldn’t put my finger on it... this man reminded me of someone i knew, and intimately so, because when i saw his heart, something within me smiled and my mind began to register all these movements, quakes, shivers that my heart was pumping and my soul screaming out because he reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and he made me feel the very same emotions that this person made me feel... my senses responded knowingly and naturally to him as they would to this person i knew... there were no limits and no boundaries as i poured my soul out to him to let him into the very me-ness of who i am; as i showed him that i am not perfect, but i am learning – a work in progress... and just like this person i knew, he said to me “you are lovely”...and in so doing reminded me of the voice of my Mighty God and Father who formed me in my mothers womb...equipping me, shaping me, moulding me in secret to display me in public so that His glory may shine...
and when he said to me “beloved”, i couldn’t help but go down on my knees and pray to Almighty Father ...”cuz dear Lord he reminds me of someone i knew...and intimately so...” , but i couldn’t put my finger on it... and as i continued to search his heart and and find out who this man is, i couldn’t help but allow my body to buckle under the weight of the amazement i felt, saw, heard, remembered cuz even then he reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and then early one morning, i found myself awake and on my knees, seeking God and asking God who this man who so reminds me of someone i knew (and intimately so) was...and i was led to read from the Holy book a lil’ story about love in 1 Cor 13...and as i read it an saw in it things id never registered in my mind before, i found my fingers frantically moving through the Holy Book, listening to the guiding hands of Almighty Yahweh...and next i found myself on 2 Tim 4:16-18... two seconds later i am on James and he is telling me secrets of heaven in chapter 4:12-17...then in God’s own language of love i read Acts 2:17-21...but it didn’t end there....almost as if i was being taken on some treasure hunting and treasure finding adventure, i landed on Eph 5:18, 1 Tim 6:20, 1 Tim 5:1-2...and the tears streamed down my face as i realised all these words came together to form a (our) story:
in His mighty Love (1 Cor 13)
He rescued me, him, us, from the snares of darkness
to bring us to heavenly freedom in His kingdom (2 Tim 4:16-18)
according to His wiil that we may boast that He took
2 bones ad made them one body... (Jas 4: 12-17)
One Prophet...One Visionary...both seeing the wonder of
God as they call out His name (Acts 2:17-21)
with the Spirit poured out on them and into them,
so drunk in His love (Eph 5:18)
that they may safely guard that which was entrusted to them (1 Tim 6:20)
exhort, respect and love with absolute purity... (1 Tim 5:1-2)
so i prayed... i prayed and prayed about this man and for this man who reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so... prayed and prayed because i found pleasure in saying his name in God’s presence and telling Daddy about this boy who made me feel...this boy who reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and so, i told Daddy and said:
he’s a believer, a son of God – the bearer of Christ, his name Christopher is fitting... he respects and admires the Lord and exalts the Lord in His Sovereignty and he never once doubted His Kingship even when the sun seemed to smite him...repeatedly...he is confident, assertive and leads with pure integrity...
he is courageous and amazingly humble and his language is love and respect and he deserves love and respect and admiration... like God loves family, he loves his family – past, present and future – and my ears tingle at the utter clarity he has in his vision and purpose as he advises me to focus on what matters and encourages me to do the #BestWeCan... he is funny...and serious and makes the strangest of things come to life as he lets his narrative come alive in his voice... he is an educated man who says “u and i” and not “u and me”... as trivial as that may seem, it marks a strong backbone... not in the language but in life cuz when i say he is a good speaker, i speak not of his diction or his accent but of the depth and soul in the words he utters... undeniably inspiring, he is breathtaking and his love liberating... like the love i saw in my father’s eyes as he looked at his wife, the bearer of his children... the love i felt in the goodnight kiss my daddy placed on my lips every night of my youth... liberating love that does not ask you to morph into a figment of another’s imagination or a carbon copy of “that girl, in the magazine, who belongs to the photoshop nation”...
...liberating love
so i said “dear Lord he reminds me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and as he tells me that it’s not about him but about me and it has been all along... as he counts his days of suffering as joy and preparation for me... as he says i am worth the weight of pain and wait for us... as he says when he hears my voice it’s like he’s known it since the beginning of time... as he calls me
Beautiful
Amazing
Lovely
and as he says he is
Grateful
Empowered
Free
Alive
i realise he reminds me of someone i knew....and intimately so....
...cuz we must have met in heaven, conversed in heaven and as we hit the earth we were unknowingly on a mission to find each other, so we could love each other and never lose each other...
...and so i grabbed my journal, from 2years ago, March ‘09... a month before i met him...and i realised i hadd written about him – indirectly so – as i called him:
My Ideal Man – the man i will know and intimately so.
and he made me feel the very same emotions that this person made me feel... my senses responded knowingly and naturally to him as they would to this person i knew... there were no limits and no boundaries as i poured my soul out to him to let him into the very me-ness of who i am; as i showed him that i am not perfect, but i am learning – a work in progress... and just like this person i knew, he said to me “you are lovely”...and in so doing reminded me of the voice of my Mighty God and Father who formed me in my mothers womb...equipping me, shaping me, moulding me in secret to display me in public so that His glory may shine...
and when he said to me “beloved”, i couldn’t help but go down on my knees and pray to Almighty Father ...”cuz dear Lord he reminds me of someone i knew...and intimately so...” , but i couldn’t put my finger on it... and as i continued to search his heart and and find out who this man is, i couldn’t help but allow my body to buckle under the weight of the amazement i felt, saw, heard, remembered cuz even then he reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and then early one morning, i found myself awake and on my knees, seeking God and asking God who this man who so reminds me of someone i knew (and intimately so) was...and i was led to read from the Holy book a lil’ story about love in 1 Cor 13...and as i read it an saw in it things id never registered in my mind before, i found my fingers frantically moving through the Holy Book, listening to the guiding hands of Almighty Yahweh...and next i found myself on 2 Tim 4:16-18... two seconds later i am on James and he is telling me secrets of heaven in chapter 4:12-17...then in God’s own language of love i read Acts 2:17-21...but it didn’t end there....almost as if i was being taken on some treasure hunting and treasure finding adventure, i landed on Eph 5:18, 1 Tim 6:20, 1 Tim 5:1-2...and the tears streamed down my face as i realised all these words came together to form a (our) story:
in His mighty Love (1 Cor 13)
He rescued me, him, us, from the snares of darkness
to bring us to heavenly freedom in His kingdom (2 Tim 4:16-18)
according to His wiil that we may boast that He took
2 bones ad made them one body... (Jas 4: 12-17)
One Prophet...One Visionary...both seeing the wonder of
God as they call out His name (Acts 2:17-21)
with the Spirit poured out on them and into them,
so drunk in His love (Eph 5:18)
that they may safely guard that which was entrusted to them (1 Tim 6:20)
exhort, respect and love with absolute purity... (1 Tim 5:1-2)
so i prayed... i prayed and prayed about this man and for this man who reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so... prayed and prayed because i found pleasure in saying his name in God’s presence and telling Daddy about this boy who made me feel...this boy who reminded me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and so, i told Daddy and said:
he’s a believer, a son of God – the bearer of Christ, his name Christopher is fitting... he respects and admires the Lord and exalts the Lord in His Sovereignty and he never once doubted His Kingship even when the sun seemed to smite him...repeatedly...he is confident, assertive and leads with pure integrity...
he is courageous and amazingly humble and his language is love and respect and he deserves love and respect and admiration... like God loves family, he loves his family – past, present and future – and my ears tingle at the utter clarity he has in his vision and purpose as he advises me to focus on what matters and encourages me to do the #BestWeCan... he is funny...and serious and makes the strangest of things come to life as he lets his narrative come alive in his voice... he is an educated man who says “u and i” and not “u and me”... as trivial as that may seem, it marks a strong backbone... not in the language but in life cuz when i say he is a good speaker, i speak not of his diction or his accent but of the depth and soul in the words he utters... undeniably inspiring, he is breathtaking and his love liberating... like the love i saw in my father’s eyes as he looked at his wife, the bearer of his children... the love i felt in the goodnight kiss my daddy placed on my lips every night of my youth... liberating love that does not ask you to morph into a figment of another’s imagination or a carbon copy of “that girl, in the magazine, who belongs to the photoshop nation”...
...liberating love
so i said “dear Lord he reminds me of someone i knew...and intimately so...
and as he tells me that it’s not about him but about me and it has been all along... as he counts his days of suffering as joy and preparation for me... as he says i am worth the weight of pain and wait for us... as he says when he hears my voice it’s like he’s known it since the beginning of time... as he calls me
Beautiful
Amazing
Lovely
and as he says he is
Grateful
Empowered
Free
Alive
i realise he reminds me of someone i knew....and intimately so....
...cuz we must have met in heaven, conversed in heaven and as we hit the earth we were unknowingly on a mission to find each other, so we could love each other and never lose each other...
...and so i grabbed my journal, from 2years ago, March ‘09... a month before i met him...and i realised i hadd written about him – indirectly so – as i called him:
My Ideal Man – the man i will know and intimately so.
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